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A couple of friends have quipped that the forthcoming film from Sacha Cohan “The Dictator” will be a rather exaggerated mockery of Muslim states in general and filled with stereotypical views about Islam and Muslim societies. I don’t think that anyone can exaggerate the workings of most of Muslim states and decadence of our societies. I think that the film will turn out to be an understatement of the indulgencies of our Great Leaders and more or less accurate about the finer workings of our states. Still don’t agree? Check this joker out!
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| Neutrality Arch in Ashgabat. |
His Excellency Saparmurat Niyazov Türkmenbaşy, was the President for Life of Turkemanistan until his sudden death in December 2006. His greatness was so vast that he renamed months of the calendar after members of his family. The country was littered with his statutes and The Neutrality Arch in Ashgabat featured a gold-plated statue of Niyazov which rotated 360 degrees every 24 hours so as to always face the sun. One fine morning as he woke up, he banned news reporters and anchors from wearing make-up on television, apparently because he believed Turkmen women were already beautiful enough without make-up.
However, Niyazov did do some good deeds too. He banned the use of lip syncing at public concerts in 2005, something that the West should copy too for the sake of ridding the world with the talentless musicians that litter the TV screens.
Niyazov has many other achievements to his name but the greatest of them all has been the book that he wrote, Ruhnama. Ruhnama is an autobiographical account of the Great Leader’s version of history combining moral and spiritual guidance for the Turkmen; much of it is of dubious or disputed factuality and accuracy. It was intended as the "spiritual guidance of the nation" and the basis of the nation's arts and literature.
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| The Great Leader in a spiritual mood. |
Niyazov first placed copies in the nation's schools and libraries but eventually went as far as to make an exam on its teachings an element of the driving test. It was mandatory to read Ruhnama in schools, universities and governmental organizations. New governmental employees were tested on the book at job interviews.
In March 2006, Niyazov said that he had interceded with God to ensure that any student who read the book three times would automatically get into heaven. (I have read a couple of chapters of the great work and expect to be rewarded appropriately on a pro-rata basis.)
The government required bookstores and government offices to display it prominently and mosques to keep it as prominent as the Qur'an. A report from Central Eurasia Project of the Open Society Institute states that “The teaching of algebra, physics, and physical education has effectively ended in Turkmenistan. In place, students are encouraged to memorize the Ruhnama and chant slogans praising President Saparmyrat Niyazov. A 30-year-old engineer reported that "all [his son] learns is passages from the 'Ruhnama', and he has started telling me off because he has memorised more of the book than me.”” Reminds me of our very own Generation Islam, which is so sure of everything after reading dubious “scholars” who do not even have a semi-decent book under their belt. (I am not even sure if one can become a “scholar” without ever writing a serious piece of scholarly work.)
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| Statue of Ruhnama. The cover opens at 8:00 pm each evening and a recording of a passage from the book is played. |
There is an enormous mechanical statue of the book in Ashgabat, the country's capital. Each evening at 8:00 pm, the cover opens and a recording of a passage from the book is played with accompanying video.
Niyazov passed away 2006, only to be replaced by another joker called Berdymukhamedov. Not to be left behind in provision of moral and yet more religious guidance to the Turkmen, Berdymukhamedov has announced to include some of his own scholarly works in the educational curriculum alongside Ruhnama. To be fair to the newcomer, he is yet to name himself the President for Life and hence has better democratic credentials than his predecessor. |
| People like the Dear Brother so much that they have named this beer and cigarettes after him. |
“Allah by his sacred command sent the Prophet Noah scriptures including holy orders. The Prophet Noah distributed these to the people of his time. The essence of these pages was, indeed, beautiful ethics. There were sayings like:
“honour-honesty to young men; virtue to the girls, intellect, sagacity, dignity to the old men and women; nobility to the brides.”
Prophet Noah taught his children and youth courage, nobility, keeping their promises, hard work, and spiritual virtue. He made them aware that any small problem in any of these would mean a problem in their honesty in general. Türk İman, that is, Türkmen young men considered verbal attacks on their homeland, their relatives and parents, as attacks on their honour and they did not hesitate to struggle against these.
The Prophet Noah ordered girls, wives and old women to cover their bodies with long, loose dresses, and their heads with head scarves, but left their faces open. “Türkmens’ faces reflect the light of Allah. For that reason sunlight, which is the torchlight of God, should fall on their faces and this should not be prevented.” Prophet Noah also advised repeatedly that men should not hit the faces of their children or wife. As for the woman’s mouth, he ordered them to cover it. This cover become the Türkmen traditional cover or yaşmak. Later he ordered the girls to cover their faces with the extensions of their dresses when they made eye contact with a man and to bite the extension when they heard ugly words.”
Ruhnama is full of such gems of wisdom. Needless to say, an anonymous scholar quoted in New Yorker Magazine claimed that Niyazov is "somewhat illiterate".
(Mohammad Jawad)
